But, I don't want to grow up.


As I fast approach my 23rd birthday I've been left with this empty feeling inside of me, and as I spot the odd grey hair on my head and wrinkle on my face let me invite you into the inner thoughts of my mind and what growing up and hitting my twenties means to me.

I am in no doubt under the illusion that 23 is by any means 'old', but I am in the understanding that I expected (or so I thought) to have the majority of my life figured out by this point. I remember thinking people in their 20's were 'real grown ups' who spoke about adult topics like jobs and politics, things that at the time I wouldn't have understood. If I went round a friend's house and they had an older sibling I would put them in this box of adult superiority whereby they had everything figured out and couldn't possibly have any of the fears that us children have. Everybody tells you that your twenties are the best years of your life and judging by the first three years, I do bloody hope not.

We put so much pressure on ourselves to live this successful 'normal' life that in process we forget who we are, our dreams get lost and personalities buried. It's always 'oh you're so young' for years and then suddenly out of nowhere and with no warning it's time to 'start growing up'.

It's funny how your perception of age changes as you reach it, or perhaps society changes. By the time my grandparents were my age they had been married nearly 4 years and had their first child. Nowadays if one of my old classmates get pregnant I still have the same reaction I would have if we were all still 16 'oh shit!'. 

By the age of 23 I expected to be fully settled into a career I loved and have everything around me somewhat figured out and perfectly in place. This couldn't be further from the truth. There isn't any part of my life at the moment that I have genuinely figured out and I am ok with that, my friends who are nearing 30 also don't have everything figured out. I still have a lot of growing to do and more than anything I have a lot of learning.

A. J. H.

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