Lack of Self Esteem & Modelling?


Photograghy by KidCircus

For as long as I can remember I've always been somebody who lacked confidence in every manor of the sense. As a child I was extremely shy and would hide behind everybody just to avoid social contact. As I grew up it shifted to education, I was never and have never been the smartest kid in the class and this was reflected in those dreaded sets (which in primary school meant separate tables). As I moved on to secondary school it became mostly focused on appearance. As the majority of people do, I struggled throughout puberty. I felt awful, inadequate and just plain ugly to put it brutally.

Sadly this mindset never really shifted as I got older, never good enough, never pretty enough, funny enough, nice enough, skinny enough, smart enough. These thoughts seem to come hand in hand with eating disorders and I've come to accept i'll be battling with these 'demons' for the rest of my life. So how does modelling fit into this?

Countless times I've been asked how it's possible to hate myself that much yet put myself out there and stand in front of a camera and act confident? To be honest I don't know how or why but I do know that when I do I feel free. It gives me a sense of escapism and happiness that I don't get out of day to day life. For once I actually feel 'ok'. When the photographer is ecstatic with the photos we have just created then I know I have done well, I know that for once I am good enough.

For a short period of time it allows me to become somebody else. I get to act like a different person and I have to portray a certain character.

A. J. H.

You Might Also Like


  1. Can 100% relate to this Ash! Lovely post and gorgeous photos xxx

  2. Do you Photoshop away all the cut marks on your arms these days? Or just keep getting more tattoos to cover them up?


Blog Archive