Anxiety || the then & now


I don't write these sorts of posts anymore, purely for the fact that it feels very much in the past for me now and I want to be able to live and exist in the present without a memory of those years I left behind. I also don't want to paint this 'poor me' persona because that is now why I am talking about this and talking about my 'story'. But, I started my new job this week and it has me thinking about how far I have come. 

Just two years ago I had a bout of crippling anxiety which lasted for the majority of 3 years, with one particular year being the worst. Physically unable to leave my tiny box studio flat by myself I would be stuck for days on end. Stuck with my thoughts and destructive behaviours, I spiralled. For so long I wasn't able to go out alone and if I went out with people I was met with overwhelming anxiety and panic attacks. 

One day, somewhere along the line everything just started to somehow fall into place. I can't pinpoint when or how and I know for certain is was not a straight road and it took a lot of hard work, but, things just started to fall into place for me. I can now go out alone into busy city centres and not think twice about it. I can openly speak to people and be myself in front of them without being flooded with fears. I can go into a restaurant and order my food and drink for myself. I can process these irrational thoughts I get and move on from them.

I see people still so swallowed up by their mental illnesses and I just want to give them give them the biggest bear hug and tell them to hang in there because it will get better and it does get better. 

To all my beauties out there, you got this shit.

A. J. H.

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  1. Lovely post Ash! It's so true that all of a sudden, things do just fall into place xxx

  2. I finally understand why I'm hesitant on going back as I don't want to have my anxiety re-appear again, but I've got a degree to finish so there's no other choice but to go back. click here


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