Lack of Self Esteem & Modelling?


Photograghy by KidCircus

For as long as I can remember I've always been somebody who lacked confidence in every manor of the sense. As a child I was extremely shy and would hide behind everybody just to avoid social contact. As I grew up it shifted to education, I was never and have never been the smartest kid in the class and this was reflected in those dreaded sets (which in primary school meant separate tables). As I moved on to secondary school it became mostly focused on appearance. As the majority of people do, I struggled throughout puberty. I felt awful, inadequate and just plain ugly to put it brutally.


Baggy Trousers


I've been stuck in a bit of a fashion rut recently. Not knowing quite what my style is or the direction in which I am heading. Of course this all sounds rather dramatic in a world in actual problems but this does leave me feeling rather 'blehh'. Fashion has always been a form of identity for me, matching outfits and colours to my moods, interests and general feelings it became a way to express myself. I have never been one to intentionally follow trends but even still, I'm not sure what my sense of style is or where it fits in a sea of gorgeous fashion bloggers.

None the less, I did manage to pair some pieces together which I was quite happy with. I took my beautiful cream roll neck jumper from Urban Outfitters with some LOTD frill waist trousers and my new ASOS patchwork faux fur jacket added a pair of classic converse and pranced around Kensington. 


Pink Culottes


Believe it or not, I used to live in all black. Head to toe. Don't get me wrong, black will always be classic colour that you really cannot go wrong with, but I am loving the pop of colour my wardrobe seems to have at the moment. This easy outfit requires little to know effort yet somehow looks put together. These cropped culottes from Urban Outfitters matched with this Brandy turtle neck top, a pair of Nike Air Max Thea's and unique sunglasses and you are good to go.


Anxiety || the then & now


I don't write these sorts of posts anymore, purely for the fact that it feels very much in the past for me now and I want to be able to live and exist in the present without a memory of those years I left behind. I also don't want to paint this 'poor me' persona because that is now why I am talking about this and talking about my 'story'. But, I started my new job this week and it has me thinking about how far I have come. 

Just two years ago I had a bout of crippling anxiety which lasted for the majority of 3 years, with one particular year being the worst. Physically unable to leave my tiny box studio flat by myself I would be stuck for days on end. Stuck with my thoughts and destructive behaviours, I spiralled. For so long I wasn't able to go out alone and if I went out with people I was met with overwhelming anxiety and panic attacks. 

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